fidelity

[geebs]

So I was taking bowelsofhell's poll about that L-thingie. I looked at the results afterwards and saw I was the only one at the time who put down fidelity in a long term relationship as being negotiable. And I'm not saying that out of some desire to be able to sow my wild oats, its just the way I was raised. I mean, I was told everyone, especially men, cheat. Some are responsible, and won't fool around for the sake of the family, but they're thinking about it. And TV tells you similar things. Every relationship goes through rocky parts, and no matter what crazy things happen, like cheating or whatever, if two people really love each other, they can work through anything. Anything can be forgiven. Heh, its like cynicism and optimism rolled into one. The cynical part is saying that no one's perfect, people make mistakes, and anyone who hasn't had to deal with such things has just been very lucky. But then the optimist says anything can be worked through if two people really want to be together. Of course, mebbe I'm just an idiot. Having never been in a long-term relationship, who's to say that I'll really be as forgiving as I espouse myself to be upon being cheated on. I dunno, I just feel like people aren't perfect and they make mistakes. And in the case that they feel they'd rather be with someone else, oh well. Its their heart and you can't control it.

As for me referring to it as that L-word, I just don't like throwing it around when you're referring to it in the real sense. I mean, I love shooting. I love fighting. I love bacon cheeseburgers. But if I'm being for real, I don't want to cheapen its meaning by throwing it out non-chalantly. (plus, it leaves you vulnerable, and you know how I hate showing any signs of weakness!)

Comments

[bowelsofhell.livejournal.com]

I noticed you were the only one saying fidelity was "negotiable"!

Personally I think it's absolute BULLSHIT about what popular society/culture says about males being "incapable" of fidelity. I do think a hell of a lot of them think about it, though. To say that one particular sex is incapable of fidelity is cheapening to that gender. It's not excusable.

Love may be forgiving, but that doesn't give anyone the right to just go out and fuck the first thing to wiggle its hips at you.

Yes, people make mistakes. But if you really did love someone, wouldn't you want to strive for that fidelity? I think that kind of laissez-faire attitude is what is causing so many failed marriages. People may say "we have an open relationship", but deep down inside, I'm willing to bet they're seething about it. You can't control someone's heart, but if you're married, you also made a promise.

I would never accept second best if I were in a committed relationship. I would be faithful to my significant other and demand the same from him.

My dad cheated on my mom and ruined a marriage and set a bad example for both my brother and me. I saw and experienced what that kind of betrayal does to people. I don't take it lightly.

If you can't be faithful, you should re-evaluate why you're in a relationship with the original person.

[geebs.livejournal.com]

I guess when I said fidelity was negotiable, I wasn't trying to say "deep down, everyone wants to cheat anyways, so why bother being monagamous?" and try to excuse cheating. I just meant if some person cheated on me and was truly sorry for it and wanted to come back, and I hadn't moved on and I wanted them back, I'd take them back. Maybe its because I don't know what it feels like to be betrayed like that, but I tend to be very forgiving. But I don't know what I'd do until I actually was in that situation. I mean, you have to take these things on a case by case basis, because in some situations, you prolly are being a sucker if you take them back. I just think its hard to make blanket statements.

And I'd like to think if I was in a relationship with a girl, and I was in love with her, I wouldn't cheat on her. I mean, I think everyone who knows me thinks I'm a decent guy. A little goofy with some screwed up tendencies, but altogether good people. But I don't want to say I'm a saint, lest I be tested.

Oh, and I think if you have kids, you start becoming responsible for more than just yourself. All that stuff I said about being weak, you need to take your vigilance to a whole other level. From what I've seen, stuff like affairs and divorce can really mess with a kid. You have a responsibility to your kids now. You don't like your marriage? Too bad. Perhaps you shouldn't have entered into it so hastily, and you definitely don't leave it once you've had children.

[bowelsofhell.livejournal.com]

Better.

Oh, and I think if you have kids, you start becoming responsible for more than just yourself. All that stuff I said about being weak, you need to take your vigilance to a whole other level. From what I've seen, stuff like affairs and divorce can really mess with a kid. You have a responsibility to your kids now. You don't like your marriage? Too bad. Perhaps you shouldn't have entered into it so hastily, and you definitely don't leave it once you've had children.


But it could be too late if you've already gone and been unfaithful at that point. If you can reconcile, more power to you, but staying in a bad marriage can actually be worse for the kids than if you split up and tried to build a better life apart. Should kids have to witness an absolutely awful cold marriage between two people who can no longer see eye to eye? I think that would be worse for their psyches.

[geebs.livejournal.com]

I think if you have a family, you should try your best to reconcile. But if its like you say and there's just no hope I guess the couple has to see what's best for the kids. If they're just gonna make each other and the kids miserable, perhaps they should separate. It all depends on the exact situation, I guess.