interview

Got an hour and a half before my CPC interview. Just reviewing a little beforehand right now. Even though I've gone through this several times before, I'm still a little nervous. I just want this to be done with. I could really use an increase in pay.

Its too bad life isn't like TV sometimes, where you can fastforward to the "good" parts. I suppose the extra time to study up is good, but I wouldn't be averse to the interview happenning right now, just to get it over with. Then I could fast forward through work and go to Oggsford, move on to dinner and TV. (Its the 100th ep of Dawson's Creek! And on Felicity Ben is dying in the hospital! Its all very eggciting!) Tomorrow is laundry day, but I got nothing else going on. I'm trying to cut down on the time I spend turning my brain to mush. So I could just jump to Fry-day, prolly hang out with the guys and catch The Scorpion King. It seems like it will be good, mindless action. And since Todd is out this weekend, its gonna be long and boring, so it would be great to move on to Monday night.

meat and potatoes.

Here's a real insightful post about me, for those people who are all, "This is just about what's on TV or food! What's up with that?!" (You know who you are):

I have zero confidence in anything. I mean, it won't stop me from doing things. I'm just skeptical that I did them right. I think is partly because I think any sort of confidence = hubris = pride comes before a fall. i.e., I'm screwed up because I think thinking good thoughts is cocky and will lead to a come-uppance. Which is ridiculous, but that's the way my mind operates. But I digress.
I guess another thing I hate is uncertainty. Which is prolly why I read spoilers for everything. I can't stand not knowing what's gonna happen. Sure, I can wait to see everything unfold, but my mind is too busy running through the possibilities to concentrate. That's why I want to know the general outcomes. So I don't have to worry and I can enjoy seeing things unfold. This prolly explains why I'm nervous about an interview that I've taken several times before and doesn't change, and why I can't wait for Monday to arrive. The uncertainty more than anything else. I mean, I obviously want things to turn out well, and theoretically, the chances in both are pretty good. But who knows what will happen between now and then? Or during? What about the monkey in the wrench? That's why I'd like to be in those sitches now. Good or bad, at least I'd know.

(no subject)

Is it me, or is there too much dishonesty in the world? Things would work out so much better if people just told the truth and stopped playing games. But then again, what would they do on those sappy WB dramas if they didn't have people lie and cause hilarity to ensue?

And what is so noble about suffering in silence? It sounds silly to me! I mean, life throws you enough lemons that you don't need to be inflicting any pain on yourself if it can be helped! There's nothing wrong with putting yourself first sometimes! But sure, sometimes speaking your mind leads to more suffering, but at least its on your own terms. Or a positive kind of suffering. Or you lost rather than surrendered. Get what I mean?

Rewinding time? I don't know about that. We all have regrets. But they're a part of who we are I think. Sure, you wanna change your screw-ups. But you can't. And would you really want to? For better or worse, all the good things and bad make up who you are today. I dunno, I myself am happy with the way I am. And yeah, there are things I'd wanna take back, but I like the way things are, I have no desire to have things change. I don't need to trade this life for something that may be better.

(And before anyone starts wondering, I'm actually just making comments on tonight's DC)