geebs | Heading down the Atlanta highway

So Esquire has a 75 things every man should do before he dies list out. Of course, who are they to say what I should or should not do! But let's see how I stack up:

1) Play Rugby.
2) Repair an Appliance.
3) Fly the red-eye from Vegas.
4) Fly a Cessna.
5) Make a list of 75 things you want to do before you die.
6) fast for three days.
7) Drive the Great Ocean Road in southern Australia or the Pacific Coast Highway.
8) make a perfect omelet. (this is one I definitely want to eventually learn to do)
9) drive by yourself coast to coast. (really?! That's the surest way to get yourself killed by crazy inbred cannibal psycho killer families!)
10) recognize the accomplishments of others (hey, I've given plenty of people kudos before, so I'm counting it!)
11) Do a flip off a diving board.
12) Leave yourself a letter in a library and look for it twenty years later. (this is a thing a man should do? Sounds kinda queer to me!)
13) Watch a bad movie so often that when you see it by accident, you can recite lines verbatim just before they're spoken. (I can do that with a bunch of movies, some of which others would consider bad)
14) Toboggan!
15) scuba dive. kcv('With all the fish?! Ick!')
16) drink mescal in Mexico.
17) cultivate a reputation. (I think I have a reputation. For being an insane pervy weirdo man-child with kinda queer interests and "catch phrases" he ripped off from somewhere else.)
18) Learn 3 or 4 chords on the guitar, until you can play one song.
19) live in a hotel suite for a week. (I assume they mean the same room, not travelling from place to place only staying in hotel rooms)
20) milk a cow and drink it.
21) build a fence
22) carry a totem in your pocket. (I guess I kinda do it since I always carry my scapular around in my pocket rather than wearing it, since it irritates my neck (perhaps I'm evil?))
23) help someone dig out.
24) pick a cool animal and see it in the wild.
25) shoplift (then return it).
26) throw a real party.
27) live outside the homeland. (what kinda commie-hippie crap is this! How thoroughly un-American!)
28) start something that scares you.
29) choose a word or phrase and actively work to never use it again.
30) eat mussel in Bruges.
31) break a plate of sheet glass with a ball peen hammer. (you know how I know this list is queer? They list this instead of shooting a gun.)
32) cook the same thing over and over until you're known for it.
33) overspend. (I think I've done this.)
34) have a threesome! (Okay, not really.)
35) quit something you love. (why would I want to quit something I love?!)
36) take care of someone else's three year old for a day. (I can hardly take care of myself!)
37) get very good at a sport that isn't a sport.
38) listen to war stories.
39) tell war stories.
40) write someone else's life story without mentioning yourself.
41) sing in public.
42) sell everything you don't need. once.
43) play golf at Carnoustie.
44) play chess until you beat someone you shouldn't, then quit forever.
45) give up your seat. (I've done this for many an old person. Its just common courtesy!)
46) kill, dress, cook, and eat wild game.
47) attend the funeral of someone you didn't know that well.
48) take a vow and keep it. (does vowing to never use hamster style kung fu ever again count?)
49) eat a six course meal that you prepared.
50) live at high altitude.
51) spend some time working for tips.
52) overeat for a week.
53) make a movie, even a short one.
54) give a panhandler all of your money. (now that's just silly!)
55) make beer, wine, or moonshine.
56) read lolita. (does watching both movie versions count?)
57) have sex in a body of water.
58) ride a horse.
59) eat congee. eat haggis. eat tongue. eat kidneys. eat brain. eat testicles.
60) walk 20 miles.
61-63) go to the desert. take long-lasting drugs. drink water.
64) watch tv 24 hours uninterrupted. (surprisingly, I have not done this, but that's because I've almost never been up 24 hours straight, and if I had to be, I had something more important to do than watch TV!)
65) save something from the dump. (gross! who knows where its been?!)
66) climb something you are afraid of.
67) get a manicure.
68) eat a two course meal you grew.
69) get a deep tissue massage.
70) sleep outside for a week. (Ill, you mean out there with all the dirt and bugs?! That's just not sanitary!)
71) put a hundred bucks on a long shot to win.
72) go to Paris without telling anyone and stay there for two weeks.
73) raise a dog.
74) peg the speedometer.
75) bungee jump.

Alas, only seven? I would care if some of those things I'm supposed to do weren't so ridiculous.