How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
May. 16th, 2007 11:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
geebsSo my sources tell me (Okay, actually it was ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
clevemire, but you know how much I like saying "my sources tell me" or "the word on the street". Damn you, Police Academy 6!) VM is cancelled. bbv('This is total BS!') And so is Jericho!? What the frak?! And FNL was renewed, but put on Friday nights? Well, that's appropo, but isn't that timeslot the kiss of death?!
Remember this story? You know how I said I was too drunk too remember what exactly happened that night with me and Julie, and how we ended up in bed together? That's not entirely true. It was a story about Sara, and I didn't want to complicate it further by bringing up the Julie situation.
"Didn't want to complicate the story", yeah, right. Its prolly more like I was trying to make myself look like less of a dick. I liked Sara, a lot. She was cool, witty, and generally fun to be around. Not to mention beautiful! How I managed to not only be friends with a girl like her, but start dating her, I'll never know. I should've thanked my lucky stars at that twist of fate. But instead I managed to screw it up by sleeping with another girl!
I made it sound like it was some alcohol-induced mistake, but there was a little more to it than that. Truthfully, I was attracted to Julie. And not just physically. Yeah, she had silky smooth blonde hair, beautiful crystal blue eyes, and the cutest voice. But she was also smart as hell and into a lot of the same things I was. She was the first one at camp to challenge me at Street Fighter II in the rec room! The first time I talked with her we really meshed. But I had Sara, so I didn't really think of Julie in that way. Since I wasn't going to make a play for her, Shawn asked me if he could. I don't know why he did, its like, what the hell does he need my permission for, so I said sure. And they seemed to hit it off.
And that's why when Shawn ended up cheating on her with Nicole that I went with Julie and Kristy to that party to cheer her up. I felt partly responsible for the whole situation, turning him on her like that. Yeah, he was the one who did the cheating, but I could already tell he was going to be this frat boyish idiot, so I shoulda tried to steer him away from her. I don't know why I didn't.
Anyways, back to the party. It went pretty much as I said. Kristy was trying to get her to meet some cute older guy to make her forget about Shawn, but Julie wasn't going for it. So, me and Julie ended up sitting in a corner in drinking. Well, she was drinking. I had like a couple of sips of beer, which I didn't like at all. I ended up switching to coke, plain coke, that is, not the "Roman" kind. But I digress. She talked, I listened. I tried my best to be an understanding ear for her to vent to, a shoulder to cry on. Every so often I'd try to interject something in an attempt to lift her spirits. I wasn't sure how successful I was, you know how much I suck at that talking thing, I've always been better at listening.
As the night went on, Julie seemed to be getting better. Though the conversation would get uncomfortable at times. At one point, she asked me if I thought Nicki was prettier than her. Truthfully, I did think Nicole was pretty hot, every guy at camp did- blonde hair, cute face, smokin' little bod. And she dressed pretty slutty, too- her outfits were always too short and/or too tight. She was also a notorious flirt who had a definite way with words. I think she got off on riling guys up. Again, I digress. That's not why I didn't want to answer her question though. Honestly, if I had the choice between Nicki and Jules, I'd pick Julie. But I was with Sara, and I felt kinda guilty thinking all this.
Still, Julie looked down, and the more I thought about it, truthfully telling a pretty friend she is indeed pretty isn't anywhere close to the vicinity of cheating. So I answered that I thought Nicole was sluttier than her and Shawn was an idiot. If he was too dumb to see what a great girl she was, than frak him. (Not literally, of course!) I told Julie not to get worked up over a jerk like him, and that she deserved better. Things were going great, until Shawn and Nicole showed up.
As I said, the hosts threw the party hoping to get her to show. How did I know this? I was hanging out in front of the dorms, and Nicole had been out there tanning in her skimpy little pink bikini. Said hosts had been walking by when she started flirting with them. I kinda found the situation funny, its like she was 16, and these college guys were trying to get in her pants. Perverts. Anyways, next time I saw the dudes, they were posting fliers for their party, more than a few prominently displayed by the dorms the girls at camp had been staying. (You'd think the administration would have a problem with that, but whatever). Anyways, one of them recognized me hanging around and asked me if I was in the program, and if I knew the hot blonde in the bikini.
"Nicole?"
"Nicole, yeah, that's the one. Tell her it'd be really cool if she showed up," they told me to tell her.
"Umm... sure..." was my terse reply. Like I was going to facilitate statch! They're lucky I didn't mention it to my RA Drew. But Nicole showed up anyways, with Shawn in tow. When Julie got up I thought she was going to cuss them out or something, so I quickly followed her to make sure things didn't get out of control. But Julie didn't go up to them, she just got out of there as quickly as possible. I would've gone with her had Shawn not been all, "Hey guys, what's up?!"
While Julie just ignored him and took off, I told Shawn, "What the fuck?!" Its like he was oblivious to the pain he had cause Julie. I chastized him for cheating on Julie like that, but then told me he and Julie had just been "hanging out" and there wasn't anything going on between them. That pissed me off, but I wasn't gonna create a scene. Luckily, most of the party-goers were distracted by Nicki slutting it up, so I took Shawn aside. He was kinda annoyed because I was making him miss Nicole's dance of the drunken slut, but I didn't care. I told him how he really hurt Jules and told him it was pretty assy of him to cheat on her just because she wouldn't have sex with him.
He just looked at me with confusion. Shawn told me he, yeah, he liked her and he had had a great time hanging out with her all those but its not like they were really going out or anything. In fact, he didn't even think she was that interested, he thought Julie was more interested in me! I asked him what the hell he was talking about, and he talked about all those times when I'd be hanging with them like at breakfast, or lunch, or dinner, or at a study session, and me and her would talk like he wasn't even there. He actually kinda had a point there, but I told him he was reading too much into things and Julie and I were just friends.
"That's not the way it looked to me," he said. Again, I re-iterated that he was being ridiculous and I had a girlfriend back home. He was all, "Whatever!" and told me to tell her was sorry that she misinterpreted the situation and he had some fun times with her, but he backed off on his pursuit because he didn't think she was actually interested in him. I just left angrily without saying anything.
As I got back to our dorms, I saw Julie sitting on the ground by the front door, waiting for me. She told me she didn't want to be alone right now, so I of course volunteered to stay with her as long as she wanted. Even though it was the summer, we were on the coast and it did get slightly nippy at night, particularly since we were dressed rather lightly. So she asked if she could go to my room. I was a little nervous about agreeing to that, because we could get in big trouble if we got caught. Lucky for my roommate Naresh and I, we had some prime real estate. Our room was on the ground floor, and it was in an out of the way corner, so we could sneak people into our room/floor through either of the windows without anyone really seeing. Julie was upset and needed me, so against my better judgement, I went inside to my room, then let her in through the window.
We actually didn't talk too much after that. Julie didn't have much more to say, and I didn't feel like repeating Shawn's assertions, as ridiculous as they were. Julie was fine with the silence, she just wanted someone to keep her company and asked if she could spend the night. Julie was pretty sure Kristy was still partying and wasn't gonna be back at their room yet. Besides, she didn't particularly feel like seeing Kristy anyways, given she'd prolly just start talking about some guy she met. I told her sure, but wouldn't the RAs notice they were missing? Kristy had taken care of that though, getting a couple of the other girls to cover for them. So, I offered her the bed and I took the floor. And the night should have ended there.
But I guess that's not what the fates had in mind. You see, some time during the middle of the night I got up to get a drink of water. As I walked back to my, well, piece of floor, I caught a glimpse of Julie on my bed. She looked so sad yet beautiful bathed in the moonlight filtering through the blinds. I don't know what I was thinking, but I crawled in bed next to her and just held her. I think I rationalized it in my mind as just helping a friend in need. I want to think that's all it was, at least. But mebbe I'm just fooling myself.
Luckily(?), Julie didn't freak out or anything. In fact, she actually relaxed in my arms. So I thought my efforts to make her feel better were working. I still remember our conversation vividly. "I'm sorry about Shawn," I told her.
"Thanks. And thanks for being here for me," she replied.
"No problem," I said, "You know I'm always here for you, even after camp is over and done, right?"
She turned around to face me. "I know."
"Don't let this whole thing get you so down. Shawn is a dumb-ass anyways. If he can't see what a great girl you are, that's his problem."
Jules just sighed exasperatedly. "I guess," was her response.
"Seriously, don't let this asshole make you feel this way," I said.
"You know, its not even really about him anymore. Its just... I'm seventeen years old, and everyone I know has found someone. But not me. And I don't think I ever will."
"That's crazy. You will. Believe me, you will."
"Will I?" she asked. "All my life, the guys I've liked always ended up liking someone else. They don't go for girls like me, they like girls like Nicole or Kristy."
"Okay, I think we already established what Nicki is. And no offense, I know Kristy's your friend and all, but she's a huge frickin' bitch."
That got a cute little laugh out of Julie.
I continued, "Seriously, you're being silly. Any guy would be lucky to have a girl like you! You're smart, funny. And you're beautiful!"
Julie smiled. "You really think that?"
"Yeah, I do! I think you're amazing. So really, one day you'll find someone who sees what I see. You just have to give it some time. It'll happen."
"Well, it doesn't feel like it. I mean, if it hasn't happened after all this time, what makes you so sure it'll ever happen?" she asked, looking at me imploringly with dewy blue eyes.
"It will." I said firmly. "I mean, look at me, I'm this dorky loser and I managed to get with a great girl back home. If it can happen for someone like me, it can happen for someone as great and wonderful as you."
"I guess," she said, shifting her eyes downward uncomfortably.
"Ack, I'm sorry, my relationship is probably the last thing you want to hear about," I apologized.
"No, its okay," she said. "Sara, that's her name, right? She's a lucky girl."
"Thanks, but I'm the lucky one. I still don't know what she sees in me," I joked.
"C'mon, isn't it obvious? You're not some dorky loser. You're a sweet, funny guy. And cute. Kinda." she replied.
Now it was my turn to laugh. "Hey, I thought I was supposed to be the one talking you up?"
Julie was in control of the course of the conversation now though, and she took it somewhere I wasn't expecting.
"Why couldn't it have been you that asked me out instead of Shawn that day?"
"Julie.." was all I could manage.
"I know, you're with someone. Sara. Like I said before, whenever I like a guy, he ends up liking someone else."
(At the time I was thinking to myself, "Woah, hold the phone, she likes me?" Okay, I know, it should've been pretty obvious by now. But I've always been a skeptical guy.)
"Look," I told her, "one day, you'll find someone who'll give you the love you deserve, its just..."
"You're not that person," she completed for me. Julie sighed again and turned away from me. We lay there in silence for a few minutes. Eventually, Julie spoke up.
"Be straight with me, do you really think those things about me, or were you just saying that to make me feel better?"
"What things?" I asked.
"That you think I'm smart... and funny... and pretty..."
"Its the truth. Anybody can see that," I said reassuringly.
"I'm not asking about anybody, I'm asking about you," she said, her voice upset.
"Jules..."
"Please," she said as she turned once again to face me, her blue eyes starting to well up. I should've just stayed firm, told her that this wasn't a road we wanted to go down, that even if I truthfully admitted I liked her, what would that matter? I was with Sara. But looking into those sad eyes, I just wanted to do whatever it took to make her feel better. So I said it.
"You're beautiful," I told her, "How many times do I have to keep telling you that?"
Julie responded by kissing me on the lips. I want to say I tried to stop her, tried to push her away, but I didn't. I don't know why. I still loved Sara very much. But that kiss! It was indescribable.
After a few seconds, Julie pulled back. She stammered, "I.. I'm sorry about that.. I didn't mean to..."
We kissed again, but this time I initiated it. Call me a jerk, its just, I don't know, here was this girl that I cared for a lot, who wanted me, needed me. I just wanted to make her happy.
And so we ended up making love that night. Now you know how the story went after that. I woke up the next morning to Julie's smiling face. "Did you have a good sleep?" she asked.
It was only then that I fully realized what I had just done. Yeah, I had just lost my virginity to Julie. But I also betrayed Sara. "Oh god!" I responded, obviously freaked. It prolly wasn't the response Julie was wanting or expecting.
I started talking a mile a minute, wondering what I was going to do, how I was going to explain it to Sara. I was so caught up in my own shit that I didn't notice at the time how visibly hurt Julie was. If I were her, I would've slapped me.
But Julie sucked it up, she started pretending it was nothing, that we were both really drunk (even though we weren't) and our emotions got the better of us and it was an accident. She told me she knew how much I loved Sara and last night was a mistake. A stupid, drunken, mistake. Again, I deserved a knee to the nuts to be so worried about myself that I was oblivious to how it pained her to say all that. But I was. And so we went with the plan of just keeping our mouths shut about it.
And when Sara showed up, that's what we did, and things were going fine. Until lunch and Kristy off-handedly mentioning about how Julie spent the night in my room. If you read that other story, you know what happened after that- Julie tried to cover, but Sara could tell what happened from the guilty look on my face. She ran off upset and I chased her all the way back to the train, trying to talk to her, explain myself.
Only I couldn't really explain myself, could I? The fact remained that I felt something for Julie and acted on it. Sara thought it was the sex thing at first, but then realizing I might have feelings for Julie? It was more than she could bear. As I said before, she thought I was the one person who would never hurt her like that, but I did.
Anyways, cut to her getting on the PATH train and telling me not to follow her. I headed back to campus depressed and lost in thought. The ten minute walk back ended up taking me a half hour. I couldn't even make it back to my room, I ended up just sitting by one of the pillars by the entrance to the dorm. I sat there for a while contemplating things, when I finally noticed Julie standing over me.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Julie asked.
"Not really," was my reply.
"Do you want me to go then?"
"Not really."
So that's what happened. I'd expound on how things went with me and Julie at camp after all that, but this story is long enough, I'll save that for another time.
(Do I even have to bother with an "ONR"?)
Heh, I'll be a monkey's uncle (and what does that even mean anyways, what's the big deal about being uncle to a monkey? Its not physically possible, so it can only mean figuratively, and how is it any different to acting like a parent to a favored pet like a cat or dog. And what's wrong with that, other than it being kinda corny? But I digress!) if anyone manages to read that entire drabble. But hey, it got stuck in my head and it wouldn't leave until the keys flowed.
And hey, its practice. Yeah, its really lame, but it occurs to me I won't get any better at writing unless I just keep doing it.
clevemire, but you know how much I like saying "my sources tell me" or "the word on the street". Damn you, Police Academy 6!) VM is cancelled. bbv('This is total BS!') And so is Jericho!? What the frak?! And FNL was renewed, but put on Friday nights? Well, that's appropo, but isn't that timeslot the kiss of death?! Remember this story? You know how I said I was too drunk too remember what exactly happened that night with me and Julie, and how we ended up in bed together? That's not entirely true. It was a story about Sara, and I didn't want to complicate it further by bringing up the Julie situation.
"Didn't want to complicate the story", yeah, right. Its prolly more like I was trying to make myself look like less of a dick. I liked Sara, a lot. She was cool, witty, and generally fun to be around. Not to mention beautiful! How I managed to not only be friends with a girl like her, but start dating her, I'll never know. I should've thanked my lucky stars at that twist of fate. But instead I managed to screw it up by sleeping with another girl!
I made it sound like it was some alcohol-induced mistake, but there was a little more to it than that. Truthfully, I was attracted to Julie. And not just physically. Yeah, she had silky smooth blonde hair, beautiful crystal blue eyes, and the cutest voice. But she was also smart as hell and into a lot of the same things I was. She was the first one at camp to challenge me at Street Fighter II in the rec room! The first time I talked with her we really meshed. But I had Sara, so I didn't really think of Julie in that way. Since I wasn't going to make a play for her, Shawn asked me if he could. I don't know why he did, its like, what the hell does he need my permission for, so I said sure. And they seemed to hit it off.
And that's why when Shawn ended up cheating on her with Nicole that I went with Julie and Kristy to that party to cheer her up. I felt partly responsible for the whole situation, turning him on her like that. Yeah, he was the one who did the cheating, but I could already tell he was going to be this frat boyish idiot, so I shoulda tried to steer him away from her. I don't know why I didn't.
Anyways, back to the party. It went pretty much as I said. Kristy was trying to get her to meet some cute older guy to make her forget about Shawn, but Julie wasn't going for it. So, me and Julie ended up sitting in a corner in drinking. Well, she was drinking. I had like a couple of sips of beer, which I didn't like at all. I ended up switching to coke, plain coke, that is, not the "Roman" kind. But I digress. She talked, I listened. I tried my best to be an understanding ear for her to vent to, a shoulder to cry on. Every so often I'd try to interject something in an attempt to lift her spirits. I wasn't sure how successful I was, you know how much I suck at that talking thing, I've always been better at listening.
As the night went on, Julie seemed to be getting better. Though the conversation would get uncomfortable at times. At one point, she asked me if I thought Nicki was prettier than her. Truthfully, I did think Nicole was pretty hot, every guy at camp did- blonde hair, cute face, smokin' little bod. And she dressed pretty slutty, too- her outfits were always too short and/or too tight. She was also a notorious flirt who had a definite way with words. I think she got off on riling guys up. Again, I digress. That's not why I didn't want to answer her question though. Honestly, if I had the choice between Nicki and Jules, I'd pick Julie. But I was with Sara, and I felt kinda guilty thinking all this.
Still, Julie looked down, and the more I thought about it, truthfully telling a pretty friend she is indeed pretty isn't anywhere close to the vicinity of cheating. So I answered that I thought Nicole was sluttier than her and Shawn was an idiot. If he was too dumb to see what a great girl she was, than frak him. (Not literally, of course!) I told Julie not to get worked up over a jerk like him, and that she deserved better. Things were going great, until Shawn and Nicole showed up.
As I said, the hosts threw the party hoping to get her to show. How did I know this? I was hanging out in front of the dorms, and Nicole had been out there tanning in her skimpy little pink bikini. Said hosts had been walking by when she started flirting with them. I kinda found the situation funny, its like she was 16, and these college guys were trying to get in her pants. Perverts. Anyways, next time I saw the dudes, they were posting fliers for their party, more than a few prominently displayed by the dorms the girls at camp had been staying. (You'd think the administration would have a problem with that, but whatever). Anyways, one of them recognized me hanging around and asked me if I was in the program, and if I knew the hot blonde in the bikini.
"Nicole?"
"Nicole, yeah, that's the one. Tell her it'd be really cool if she showed up," they told me to tell her.
"Umm... sure..." was my terse reply. Like I was going to facilitate statch! They're lucky I didn't mention it to my RA Drew. But Nicole showed up anyways, with Shawn in tow. When Julie got up I thought she was going to cuss them out or something, so I quickly followed her to make sure things didn't get out of control. But Julie didn't go up to them, she just got out of there as quickly as possible. I would've gone with her had Shawn not been all, "Hey guys, what's up?!"
While Julie just ignored him and took off, I told Shawn, "What the fuck?!" Its like he was oblivious to the pain he had cause Julie. I chastized him for cheating on Julie like that, but then told me he and Julie had just been "hanging out" and there wasn't anything going on between them. That pissed me off, but I wasn't gonna create a scene. Luckily, most of the party-goers were distracted by Nicki slutting it up, so I took Shawn aside. He was kinda annoyed because I was making him miss Nicole's dance of the drunken slut, but I didn't care. I told him how he really hurt Jules and told him it was pretty assy of him to cheat on her just because she wouldn't have sex with him.
He just looked at me with confusion. Shawn told me he, yeah, he liked her and he had had a great time hanging out with her all those but its not like they were really going out or anything. In fact, he didn't even think she was that interested, he thought Julie was more interested in me! I asked him what the hell he was talking about, and he talked about all those times when I'd be hanging with them like at breakfast, or lunch, or dinner, or at a study session, and me and her would talk like he wasn't even there. He actually kinda had a point there, but I told him he was reading too much into things and Julie and I were just friends.
"That's not the way it looked to me," he said. Again, I re-iterated that he was being ridiculous and I had a girlfriend back home. He was all, "Whatever!" and told me to tell her was sorry that she misinterpreted the situation and he had some fun times with her, but he backed off on his pursuit because he didn't think she was actually interested in him. I just left angrily without saying anything.
As I got back to our dorms, I saw Julie sitting on the ground by the front door, waiting for me. She told me she didn't want to be alone right now, so I of course volunteered to stay with her as long as she wanted. Even though it was the summer, we were on the coast and it did get slightly nippy at night, particularly since we were dressed rather lightly. So she asked if she could go to my room. I was a little nervous about agreeing to that, because we could get in big trouble if we got caught. Lucky for my roommate Naresh and I, we had some prime real estate. Our room was on the ground floor, and it was in an out of the way corner, so we could sneak people into our room/floor through either of the windows without anyone really seeing. Julie was upset and needed me, so against my better judgement, I went inside to my room, then let her in through the window.
We actually didn't talk too much after that. Julie didn't have much more to say, and I didn't feel like repeating Shawn's assertions, as ridiculous as they were. Julie was fine with the silence, she just wanted someone to keep her company and asked if she could spend the night. Julie was pretty sure Kristy was still partying and wasn't gonna be back at their room yet. Besides, she didn't particularly feel like seeing Kristy anyways, given she'd prolly just start talking about some guy she met. I told her sure, but wouldn't the RAs notice they were missing? Kristy had taken care of that though, getting a couple of the other girls to cover for them. So, I offered her the bed and I took the floor. And the night should have ended there.
But I guess that's not what the fates had in mind. You see, some time during the middle of the night I got up to get a drink of water. As I walked back to my, well, piece of floor, I caught a glimpse of Julie on my bed. She looked so sad yet beautiful bathed in the moonlight filtering through the blinds. I don't know what I was thinking, but I crawled in bed next to her and just held her. I think I rationalized it in my mind as just helping a friend in need. I want to think that's all it was, at least. But mebbe I'm just fooling myself.
Luckily(?), Julie didn't freak out or anything. In fact, she actually relaxed in my arms. So I thought my efforts to make her feel better were working. I still remember our conversation vividly. "I'm sorry about Shawn," I told her.
"Thanks. And thanks for being here for me," she replied.
"No problem," I said, "You know I'm always here for you, even after camp is over and done, right?"
She turned around to face me. "I know."
"Don't let this whole thing get you so down. Shawn is a dumb-ass anyways. If he can't see what a great girl you are, that's his problem."
Jules just sighed exasperatedly. "I guess," was her response.
"Seriously, don't let this asshole make you feel this way," I said.
"You know, its not even really about him anymore. Its just... I'm seventeen years old, and everyone I know has found someone. But not me. And I don't think I ever will."
"That's crazy. You will. Believe me, you will."
"Will I?" she asked. "All my life, the guys I've liked always ended up liking someone else. They don't go for girls like me, they like girls like Nicole or Kristy."
"Okay, I think we already established what Nicki is. And no offense, I know Kristy's your friend and all, but she's a huge frickin' bitch."
That got a cute little laugh out of Julie.
I continued, "Seriously, you're being silly. Any guy would be lucky to have a girl like you! You're smart, funny. And you're beautiful!"
Julie smiled. "You really think that?"
"Yeah, I do! I think you're amazing. So really, one day you'll find someone who sees what I see. You just have to give it some time. It'll happen."
"Well, it doesn't feel like it. I mean, if it hasn't happened after all this time, what makes you so sure it'll ever happen?" she asked, looking at me imploringly with dewy blue eyes.
"It will." I said firmly. "I mean, look at me, I'm this dorky loser and I managed to get with a great girl back home. If it can happen for someone like me, it can happen for someone as great and wonderful as you."
"I guess," she said, shifting her eyes downward uncomfortably.
"Ack, I'm sorry, my relationship is probably the last thing you want to hear about," I apologized.
"No, its okay," she said. "Sara, that's her name, right? She's a lucky girl."
"Thanks, but I'm the lucky one. I still don't know what she sees in me," I joked.
"C'mon, isn't it obvious? You're not some dorky loser. You're a sweet, funny guy. And cute. Kinda." she replied.
Now it was my turn to laugh. "Hey, I thought I was supposed to be the one talking you up?"
Julie was in control of the course of the conversation now though, and she took it somewhere I wasn't expecting.
"Why couldn't it have been you that asked me out instead of Shawn that day?"
"Julie.." was all I could manage.
"I know, you're with someone. Sara. Like I said before, whenever I like a guy, he ends up liking someone else."
(At the time I was thinking to myself, "Woah, hold the phone, she likes me?" Okay, I know, it should've been pretty obvious by now. But I've always been a skeptical guy.)
"Look," I told her, "one day, you'll find someone who'll give you the love you deserve, its just..."
"You're not that person," she completed for me. Julie sighed again and turned away from me. We lay there in silence for a few minutes. Eventually, Julie spoke up.
"Be straight with me, do you really think those things about me, or were you just saying that to make me feel better?"
"What things?" I asked.
"That you think I'm smart... and funny... and pretty..."
"Its the truth. Anybody can see that," I said reassuringly.
"I'm not asking about anybody, I'm asking about you," she said, her voice upset.
"Jules..."
"Please," she said as she turned once again to face me, her blue eyes starting to well up. I should've just stayed firm, told her that this wasn't a road we wanted to go down, that even if I truthfully admitted I liked her, what would that matter? I was with Sara. But looking into those sad eyes, I just wanted to do whatever it took to make her feel better. So I said it.
"You're beautiful," I told her, "How many times do I have to keep telling you that?"
Julie responded by kissing me on the lips. I want to say I tried to stop her, tried to push her away, but I didn't. I don't know why. I still loved Sara very much. But that kiss! It was indescribable.
After a few seconds, Julie pulled back. She stammered, "I.. I'm sorry about that.. I didn't mean to..."
We kissed again, but this time I initiated it. Call me a jerk, its just, I don't know, here was this girl that I cared for a lot, who wanted me, needed me. I just wanted to make her happy.
And so we ended up making love that night. Now you know how the story went after that. I woke up the next morning to Julie's smiling face. "Did you have a good sleep?" she asked.
It was only then that I fully realized what I had just done. Yeah, I had just lost my virginity to Julie. But I also betrayed Sara. "Oh god!" I responded, obviously freaked. It prolly wasn't the response Julie was wanting or expecting.
I started talking a mile a minute, wondering what I was going to do, how I was going to explain it to Sara. I was so caught up in my own shit that I didn't notice at the time how visibly hurt Julie was. If I were her, I would've slapped me.
But Julie sucked it up, she started pretending it was nothing, that we were both really drunk (even though we weren't) and our emotions got the better of us and it was an accident. She told me she knew how much I loved Sara and last night was a mistake. A stupid, drunken, mistake. Again, I deserved a knee to the nuts to be so worried about myself that I was oblivious to how it pained her to say all that. But I was. And so we went with the plan of just keeping our mouths shut about it.
And when Sara showed up, that's what we did, and things were going fine. Until lunch and Kristy off-handedly mentioning about how Julie spent the night in my room. If you read that other story, you know what happened after that- Julie tried to cover, but Sara could tell what happened from the guilty look on my face. She ran off upset and I chased her all the way back to the train, trying to talk to her, explain myself.
Only I couldn't really explain myself, could I? The fact remained that I felt something for Julie and acted on it. Sara thought it was the sex thing at first, but then realizing I might have feelings for Julie? It was more than she could bear. As I said before, she thought I was the one person who would never hurt her like that, but I did.
Anyways, cut to her getting on the PATH train and telling me not to follow her. I headed back to campus depressed and lost in thought. The ten minute walk back ended up taking me a half hour. I couldn't even make it back to my room, I ended up just sitting by one of the pillars by the entrance to the dorm. I sat there for a while contemplating things, when I finally noticed Julie standing over me.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Julie asked.
"Not really," was my reply.
"Do you want me to go then?"
"Not really."
So that's what happened. I'd expound on how things went with me and Julie at camp after all that, but this story is long enough, I'll save that for another time.
(Do I even have to bother with an "ONR"?)
Heh, I'll be a monkey's uncle (and what does that even mean anyways, what's the big deal about being uncle to a monkey? Its not physically possible, so it can only mean figuratively, and how is it any different to acting like a parent to a favored pet like a cat or dog. And what's wrong with that, other than it being kinda corny? But I digress!) if anyone manages to read that entire drabble. But hey, it got stuck in my head and it wouldn't leave until the keys flowed.
And hey, its practice. Yeah, its really lame, but it occurs to me I won't get any better at writing unless I just keep doing it.
